He Went to Jared?
by afreezingnote
Summary: I think the title kind of gives it away. A little bit of shore leave fun. Kirk/McCoy slash. SURPRISE! update. Actually, I now believe there will be at least two more chapters. This changed a lot in my head. I hope you still like it!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. Forgive me, Gene, from your place on high, for getting them a little bit dirty. I promise that they will still function at _maximum _efficiency.

…

"Can you believe it's him? _The_ Captain Kirk," one waitress said in awe.

"He's so adorable," another commented.

"I bet he's big," the last one added dreamily.

"Yeah, darlin', he's big. Big and taken," a male voice informed as it came from the direction of the restrooms.

"How would you know?" the girl who had spoken demanded before turning to grab another pitcher of water.

"I know," Bones began as he leaned in close over the waitress, speaking into her ear, "because I can still feel him inside me."

The waitress's jaw dropped, and Bones, now satisfied that the restaurant's staff would quit gossiping and fawning all over Jim, headed back to their table.

"What was all that about?" Jim queried when Bones returned.

"Just letting the girls know that they should back the fuck off of my man."

"Mmm," Jim sighed contentedly, "I love it when you're protective." He tossed his lover a soul-searing smile with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"That explains why you flirt so much," Bones complained with a scowl.

"I'm not that bad."

"Jim, you have half the restaurant talking about the size of your phaser, and I don't mean the one on your utility belt."

"Let them be curious, Bones, that's only for you to know."

"You better be glad I know you love me."

"What would I do without you? I'd have no one to jab me with hyposprays."

"I thought you hate it when I do that."

"I'm referring in particular to the one attached to you. You know, the one labeled 'ecstasy'."

"God damn it, Jim! Do you have to do this to me in public?"

"What, Bones? Am I turning you on?" Jim whispered as he trailed his fingers up Bone's thigh under the table.

"How long does it take these people to bring the damn check?"

"I'll take that as a yes," Jim purred, "Don't worry, love, our waitress is coming now."

"It's about damn time," Bones mumbled.

…

"I'll get us back to the hotel soon," Jim promised on the way out to the hover car.

"Yeah, if you don't kill us with your driving."

"We'll live, and I'll only be using my left hand."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Bones, buckle up."

"Jim—" Bones began but stopped with a long gasp.

The bold captain had deftly unbuttoned Bones's pants and pulled down his fly. He now had Bones by the hypospray. "I couldn't help but notice that you needed a hand. I just so happened to have an extra one."

"Jim, this is a rental!"

"There won't be any evidence."

"How are you gonna manage that while driving?"

"You're going to put your nimble surgeon's fingers to use keeping us alive while I swallow."

"Remind me again while I fell in love with an idiot?"

"My hot body."

"Oh, yeah."

"And I'm an expert on sexual anatomy. Plus, I'm a hell of a lot more exciting than a medical journal."

"I. Have. To. Agree." Bones got out between moans.

"I mean, a medical journal can't do this," Jim said as he demonstrated his point by rubbing his finger along Bones's slit and massaging the liquid he discovered there onto the rest of Bone's engorged shaft. He earned an appreciative whimper followed by some very sexy panting.

"Jim!" Bones grabbed the steering wheel desperately.

Jim grinned, understanding the message. He ducked under Bones's outstretched arm to replace his hand with his mouth. He swirled his tongue from Bones's tip to base and back again only once before his lover came into his waiting mouth with force.

He took the wheel again, licking his lips and heaving a contented sigh. "Have I ever told you how wonderful you taste?"

"Several times," Bones replied. His normal growl was now a stated drawl.

"It must be because you're Georgian."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"The peaches. Look! We're back and alive!"

"You're a miracle."

"You're not the first to notice," Jim replied cheekily.

On the way inside, they ran into Spock and Uhura venturing out.

"Good evening, Nyota, Spock," Bones greeted cheerfully as he stepped back from the elevator to allow them out.

"Hey guys!" Jim exclaimed with his natural excitement.

"Jim; Doctor." "Good evening Bones; Jim." Spock and Uhura answered simultaneously.

"Have fun with whatever you're doing!" Jim supplied, "How about lunch tomorrow?"

"That would be agreeable. Nyota?"

"I'll set something up," Uhura assured as the elevator door closed to take their shipmates up.

"I don't think I've ever seen McCoy so happy," she commented, perplexed, to Spock.

"I believe that would be due to the captain recently performing what you would call a 'blow job' on the doctor," Spock clarified sagely.

Uhura's jaw dropped for a moment. "How long have you known about that?" she demanded.

"For quite some time. When Jim considers you a close friend, he tends to open up, if it were believable that he could open up any more. I became aware directly after Jim told me 'Spock, I need a new best friend since I started fucking the old one, and I think you're the perfect person for the job.'"

"I think he's a bad influence on you."

"I can not argue with that. However, the captain is like a puppy. It is very difficult to tell him no."

Uhura laughed melodically. "But it's not impossible."

"I believe the doctor is a good example of both points."

…

"That's not a very gentlemanly thing to say!" Jim jokingly protested.

"You're not a lady, so it doesn't really matter now does it?" Bones replied with a suggestive wink.

"You better not be playing a tease," Jim said as he pushed Bones against the elevator wall. He kissed him roughly.

"Yeah, well, having sex in an elevator isn't proper decorum for two high ranking Starfleet officers such as ourselves.

"Just as long as you hold up your end in the bedroom, I won't complain."

"We'll flip a coin for that," Bones said saucily.

"I outrank you," Jim shot back.

"Do you want me to put you off duty for a bad case of blue balls?"

"Bones!"

"I didn't think so."

"You wouldn't do that to me," he pouted.

"No, I wouldn't," Bones said softly, "unless I was really angry." He kissed Jim tenderly before noting, "This is our floor."

"At last."

…

Jim slipped his ankles onto Bones's shoulders as he built a rhythm between their bodies. As he relaxed, Jim became more playful. He pulled Bones down for a few intense kisses and trailed his fingers along the older man's angular contours. He clenched his muscles around his lover's jutting erection, relishing the fact that no other man who had truly loved him had ever managed to hit his prostate with every thrust.

Falling into a satisfied pile of limbs, Jim decided for the hundredth time that "Yeah. Bones is a keeper."

After a moment of recovery, they untangled themselves into a more organized, spooning position. Jim kissed Bones's shoulders and neck before reaching back to rummage through his pants pocket. He, and his arm, returned shortly. Jim took Bones's left hand and began sliding the anonymous band of metal off his finger.

"Jim?"

"Hmmm?"

"You told me to never take this off."

"Unless…"

"Unless you were asking me to marry you."

After Jim wrangled the old token of his affection off Bones, he revealed a box of matching rings.

"Leonard Horatio McCoy, will you make me the happiest man in the universe for the rest of my life and whatever is beyond? Will you be my husband?"

"Jim," Bones whispered. He sounded somewhere in the shock and awe as he turned to face his lover.

Jim saw the question in his eyes and answered, "I've never been more serious in my life."

"Of course I'll be your husband, if you'll be mine."

"There's nothing I want more," Jim whispered. He handed one ring to Bones after he placed the new one on his now nude finger. Bones skimmed the offered piece of jewelry onto Jim's finger and kissed it before taking a slow trail up to his fiancé's lips.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Bones and Jim walked into the restaurant at which Uhura had booked reservations. They were on time in spite of their mid-morning shower sex. The restaurant was upscale and modern. The sleek surfaces and discreet but alluring colors suggested a casual elegance. They spotted Spock and Uhura quickly and went to join them at the table. Bones pulled out Jim's chair before sitting, still in the habit of being a Southern gentleman.

"Thanks," Jim offered, beaming at Bones. It was the most sincere smile Uhura had ever witnessed on the man's face.

"You're welcome, darlin'," Bones mumbled with a soft half-smile flitting along his lips.

After the four of them ordered and exchanged the pleasantries of opening conversation, Jim announced, "We have some news."

Uhura looked at him expectantly as Spock raised an eyebrow. Jim was bubbling with excitement as he proclaimed, "We're getting married!"

Uhura looked stunned momentarily before congratulating them. Who knew Jim Kirk would ever settle down?

"Congratulations, Jim. Leonard," Spock replied. It was rare for him to call Bones by anything other than doctor, and it expressed how happy the half-Vulcan was for them as much as the small upturning of his lips. Spock had been privy to Jim's desire to propose to McCoy for quite some time and had encouraged his captain not to be hesitant.

"So, Spock," Jim began as their food came, "will you be my best man?"

"I would be honored, Jim."

"And Uhura, we were wondering if you might consider planning our wedding?" Jim was hesitant, his communications officer was still not overly fond of him and she sort of scared the shit out of him. Not that he would ever admit it or anything.

"My name is Nyota, Jim, and it would be my pleasure."

It was Jim's turn to be stunned. Uhura's peace offering was totally unexpected. "Thank you… Nyota." He was grinning like an idiot when he turned to Bones and said, "I think this might possibly be the best day of my life."

He turned back to Spock to ask, "Can admirals still marry people?"

"I believe so Jim."

"Wait," Jim started, a puzzled and somewhat conflicted expression falling across his features before taking off at warp fourteen, "What about ambassadors? Would that be weird? Would it be weird for _you_? Would Chris be upset if I didn't ask him? Would other you?"

"I admit that it might be somewhat strange to be both the best man and the presiding official. I'm sure that both the ambassador and Admiral Pike will understand and respect your choice."

"They might understand it and respect it, but that doesn't mean that they're gonna like it!" Jim crossed his arms thoughtfully. "I think Chris would be more hurt than the ambassador if I didn't ask him. Also, there are certain things that didn't turn out the same way in this timeline as they did in the ambassador's. So, that might actually be kinda uncomfortable and maybe even painful for him… Yeah. Chris it is."

"That is true. We have discussed this, as you are aware, Jim. There are several different capacities to the relationship of t'hy'la. Ours is not destined to be the same as theirs."

"But is still weird, you know? Because it's not implausible."

"Perhaps, but it is irrelevant as we are both already happy. It would benefit neither of us to jeopardize that reality."

"Right as always, Mr. Spock."

Jim sat back and sighed. "Temporal anomalies are a pain in the ass."

"Agreed."/"That's for sure."/"Damn right they are." Jim's companions replied heartily in unison.

"So," Uhura began, switching gears, "When do you want the wedding to be?"

Jim smiled again as he looked at Bones, "I don't know. What do you think?"


End file.
